Friday, April 24, 2009

Know Thyself...

I am absolutely in love with myself. Yes, that makes sense coz I obviously like being how I am...that must be why I am thus. No?

Anyway, loving myself does not mean that I am blind to my negative traits. Like everyone else, I have many negative factors in my personality, which I am trying to identify and enumerate. I will not necessarily be trying to fix them, because the motive is self awareness, and not self change. I am pretty happy being who I am.

1. Cynical: I think I belong to an era where everyone is a cynic. It's just that the extent varies. Di is much less cynical than I am, but my "know-it-all" attitude makes me sooooooo cynical that I will ALWAYS look for an ulterior motive in things people do. I blame the Reality TV shows for making me much more cynical than I was 4 years back!

2. Pessimist: Most of the time, I am looking for problems and not solutions. That makes me a hardcore pessimist, Right?

3. Hypocrite: Sometimes, I am a hypocrite. Most of the times I am not, but in some situations I do give in to middle class hypocrisy!

4. My Way: Oh Yes....I always have to have my way. It's like "my way or the highway". Thankfully, my husband is so accomodating that he lets me be. We are just like Monica and Chandler from Friends. I am rather dominating, I think.

5. Giving Up: I give up too easily. Not because I lack patience or persevarence. But because I hate to lose. When I face a situation where the chances of losing are high, I'll usually give up. No sporstman spirit, huh? BTW, can I call it sportswoman spirit?

Till some time back, I would count "not admitting my mistakes" as one of my personality traits. But i have been working on that. Orkut forums have helped in rectifying that, to an extent. And what is this post, if not a proof of that?

If you know me, and feel you can add to the list, please do so in your comments. I would appreciate that.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Dancing in the rain...

Yesterday I was thinking about what makes me tick. What makes me happy? Did the new pair of jeans I bought at Pantaloons last Sunday make me happy? Does an expensive dinner at a fancy restaurant make me happy? Movies? Writing? Reading? TV? The sales and marketing work that I do?

No. None of this makes me happy. Sure, I enjoy these things.. maybe take some pleasure in them too. But they don't make me happy. So, what does?

I explored the insides of my mind to find the answer. I was surprised to find that I had to make an effort to recall the last time I felt truly happy/overjoyed. When I enjoy all these things, howcome I don't remember much about where I went, what I wore or what I did last week? It seems so insignificant...

What I do remember is the happiness and plain joy I felt in Dehradun. I know why I love Doon so much. It's because I love the rains. Every time I am in the rains, I feel like dancing. Sometimes I do give in...

Anyway, my happiest memories are of watching a rainbow as a child, my father insisting on my wearing a raincoat as I am leaving for school, splashing my way through the big puddles of water with friends, relishing hot pakoras and chai with my husband...and so on.

The joy and happiness I remember even today is all in the little things of life. I wonder why I have stopped experiencing the joy of little inconsequential things? Why do I put so much thought, effort and money into enjoying life? Why does everything have to be bigger and important? Why am I not content with just watching the rainbow, instead of chasing it?